You Get The Advertising You Deserve

Let it be clear to the prospective client that “creativity” is not a shake-and-stir packet of powder or crystals, for which one need only add hot water and let cool for three to five minutes, until the surrounding environment fills with the aroma of this potpourri of Rwandan coffee beans (shipped in wooden crates across the African Great Lakes), Argentine honey (gathered from colonies in the river valleys at the geographical center of this federal republic), Caribbean pine (donated from the Honduran communities an hour from the nation’s capital) and soft red winter wheat (harvested east of the Mississippi River in Ohio, Arkansas, Illinois and Missouri); suffusing a potential client’s conference room or workplace with the mist of “ideas,” to be savored and consumed by every employee, as each executive, independent contractor and salaried consultant (with complimentary health insurance) joins hands in a chorus line stretching from the stairwell (starting on the fifteenth floor) to the cafeteria to the lobby to the parking lot, so this singular sensation can deliver a musical masterpiece of glitz and style.

Let it be clear to the prospective client that creativity is not the result of some global séance, hosted by Skype, in which you and your colleagues attempt to make contact with the soul of the late David Ogilvy, despite the overwhelming amount of bandwidth necessary to sustain a video call of this kind for more than a few seconds.

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Let it be clear to the prospective client that whatever pronouncements you manage to transcribe on the back of a matchbook, or scribble (with a black rollerball pen) on the dry underside of a cocktail napkin by turning this moistened (from the ring of a martini shaker) piece of two-ply paper facedown, is not an admonition from advertising heaven or some otherwise impenetrable dimension.

Let it be clear to the prospective client that what you do — what your creative brief proposes to do — can only be done by you (and your exclusive team of writers, branding experts and marketing specialists).

Let it be clear to all prospective clients that they get the advertising they deserve.

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